If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
