Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
