In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
