I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
