How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
