I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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