He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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