Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
