I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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