Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
