Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
