Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
