Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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