tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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