maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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