I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
