Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
