FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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