just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
