You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
