okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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