He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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