i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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