thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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