Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
