Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
