hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
