it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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