Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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