Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
