Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
