I hate all girls vehemently.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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