i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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