I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
