You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
