I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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