Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
