How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
