he wants to bone in the snuggie
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
