dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
