9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
