soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
