I bet he comes in French.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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