My underwear smells like fireworks.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
