All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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