My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
