I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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