ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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