I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
