My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
