Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There's always time for handjobs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
