I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
