I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So many bounce houses so little time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
