There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
