i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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