Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
